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a heart-wrenching loss: remembering Chris

Updated: Jul 26, 2023

It was a quiet evening in my childhood bedroom, where I had returned from college for a short break. Folding clothes that had been patiently waiting for my attention, I felt the weight of my dad's nagging lingering in the air. The Christmas festivities had faded away, and the anticipation of the approaching New Year filled the atmosphere. Little did I know that this holiday season would be forever etched in my memory, drenched in sorrow and pain.

It was my middle brother who shattered the tranquility of that moment, his voice laden with a blend of anger and sadness. At first, I thought it was another one of his playful pranks, but the difference in his tone sent a chill down my spine. "Chris is being rushed to the hospital," he uttered. "They're saying he's gone." In that instant, my world was turned upside down, and life as I knew it would never be the same.

The day was in December, just a day after Christmas, when Chris left us. As a family, we had plans to gather at his apartment that evening, indulging in his favorite pastime—board games. Chris had a knack for rallying us together, spending countless hours immersed in the world of Monopoly, Catan, and other games whose names now escape me. Rummy—a game we cherished—brings back bittersweet memories. It's a game no one really plays with me anymore.

Upon receiving the call about Chris's critical condition, I screamed for my dad, my voice piercing through the silence and desperation that engulfed me. Barely able to ascend the few stairs that separated us, I crumbled to the ground, my tears flowing uncontrollably, and my breaths erratic. I was bewildered, struggling to accept the reality I was relaying.

After what felt like an eternity, I regained some composure and mustered the strength to drive to the hospital. There, in the presence of my brother's father and my step-mom, I could see the anguish etched on their faces. The news was devastating—Chris was gone, and hope had abandoned us.

The memory of that moment remains vivid, even now. I can still recall the touch of his cold body, an icy farewell to a soul taken too soon. The sensations of that day—the chill and tingling that coursed through me—linger as a constant reminder of the profound loss I experienced.

Leaving the hospital was a surreal experience, one that often goes unspoken. As we silently made our way home, grief and emptiness clung to us, settling into the very essence of our existence. No words could encapsulate the weight that burdened our hearts.

That night, sleep eluded me. It was the darkest, most painful night of my life. The loss of Chris permeated every thought, every breath. His absence left an indelible void, a void that would forever change me.

Losing Chris has shattered my world and transformed me in ways I never could have imagined. Through the haze of sorrow, I hold on to cherished memories of the games we played, the laughter we shared. Life has irrevocably altered its course, and the pain of his absence remains. As I navigate this new reality, I strive to honor his memory, keeping alive the spirit of joy and camaraderie he instilled in us.

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