Grief comes in waves. It's cliche but it is true.

I cannot honestly tell you If I had heard the phrase," Grief comes in waves." prior to my brother dying. I probably have heard it prior. I think it may have not resonated with me because I did not experience a loss that affected me to the same extent. When my great-grandparents passed I felt sadness. However, they were ill, lived two long amazing lives, and were suffering. If anything, I felt relief when they died. They were no longer suffering, they moved to heaven with the rest of their family who was already mostly deceased.

When my brother died, a piece of me died. Your siblings are the only other people who can truly understand your bringing up. All the good times and all the bad times. They were there with you.

Once I was a year or so into my grief journey I noticed something about my grief.

My grief came in waves.

After I did some reflecting on my grief journey. When my brother died it was as if the initial wave came and destroyed my boat. I had to float and hold on to what was left of the boat.

I was floating through my grief holding onto memories, cleaning out his apartment, telling the story over and over about how he died. Telling stories of our childhood and our travels. Replaying all the memories and moments in my head over and over and over.

This is what kept me floating.

Eventually, I learned to float and eventually swim to shore after the wreck. Did the waves stop after the first big one? No.

They kept coming. During class, in the car, at school, in the shower, in bed, honestly anywhere. A song, a smell, a person, a phrase, SO many things can trigger these waves.

The waves are full of emotion. The waves are full of what could have been. The waves are full of regret, guilt, jealously, and anger. The waves are filled with all your emotions surrounding your person dying.

How do you handle your waves?